Beyond Birds and Bees: How Parents Shape Teen Girls’ Sexual Confidence

By: Nicolette Scarlotta

‘The birds and the bees’ is an expression referring to the conversations about sex and relationships that often occur between parents and their children when the child reaches adolescence. How does parental communication about sex influence an adolescent’s sexuality and perceptions of sex? The study, titled “Parental Communication About Sex and Young Women’s Sexual Self-Concept: A Retrospective Analysis,” was completed by researchers in the Human Development and Social Justice Lab, Dr. Bragard and Dr. Fisher, and published in Archives of Sexual Behavior. The research explores how conversations that young girls have with their parents about sex influence how they view their own sexuality and past sexual experiences. The researchers conducted a national survey of 397 adolescent girls in the U.S., with an average age of approximately 16.8 years. The group was diverse, comprising roughly 33% Black, 26% Latina, and 28% non-Hispanic White individuals. 

The authors measured parental messaging, which included relational, sex-positive, gendered sex role, abstinence-only, and sex-is-taboo messaging, and can be expressed directly through conversations about sex or indirectly through comments, behaviors, or silence. Relational messaging emphasizes love, closeness, and emotional connection. Sex-positive messaging emphasizes human sexuality as a healthy, normal part of life. Gendered sex role messaging reinforces traditional ideas about how men and women should behave, often based on assumptions about their gender. Abstinence-only messaging emphasizes the avoidance of sexual activity until marriage. Finally, sex-is-taboo messaging emphasizes that sex is a private matter and should not be discussed openly. Sexual subjectivity, or the girls’ perception of themselves as sexual beings, as well as their emotional responses to past sexual experiences, were also measured. 

The authors found that greater relational sex messaging related to greater sexual body esteem, sexual pleasure, and perceived control over sexual experiences. In other words, parents who frame sex as something that should involve respect, intimacy, and emotional safety help girls develop a healthier sense of self in sexual relationships. Relational messaging also had significant indirect effects on lower negative emotional reactions to sexual experiences, which were mediated by higher sexual body esteem and higher perceived control. This suggests that receiving relational messaging may reinforce girls’ confidence to say no to unwanted sexual encounters, and they are therefore less likely to engage in negative sexual experiences. 

The authors also found that sex-positive messaging was linked to greater sexual subjectivity, meaning that girls perceived themselves as having agency and desire in sexual encounters. However, sex-positive messaging also predicted more negative emotions about sexual experiences. The authors suggested that without balanced conversations about risks and realities, sex-positive messages may leave girls emotionally unprepared for real-life sexual experiences and consequences. It is also possible that girls empowered by sex-positive messaging may be more aware of when a partner does not meet their needs or leaves them feeling disappointed, making negative experiences stand out. Interestingly, gendered sex role messaging was associated with lower perceived control during sexual encounters and more negative reactions to past sexual encounters. Meaning, when parents reinforced the ideas that “it’s difficult for men to resist their sexual urges,” and girls are meant to be responsible for setting limits, girls reported feeling little control during sexual encounters. It seems that gendered sex role messaging may reinforce societal norms that girls lack agency in sexual choices and encounters. Abstinence-only messaging and sex-is-taboo messaging were only significantly linked to lower sexual pleasure entitlement and esteem.

At the heart of the study is the idea of sexual subjectivity, or girls’ own sense of sexual agency, which was the strongest predictor of emotional well-being in their sexual experiences. For young girls, being confident in their bodies, deserving of pleasure, and able to set boundaries is crucial. 

So what should parents take away? Firstly, conversations about sex and sexual health matter. Even indirect comments or silence about sex can shape how girls understand their sexuality and reinforce sexual double standards. It is important for parents to thoroughly discuss the risks and realities of engaging in sex so that young girls are emotionally prepared for sexual encounters. Conversations about sex that highlight love, mutual respect, and girls’ sense of control over their bodies are both empowering and protective for young girls. Finally, it is important for parents to monitor the sexual messaging that their child may be exposed to from other influences, such as peers and social media, and be open to discussing such messages. 

Reference:

Bragard, E., & Fisher, C. B. (2024). Parental Sexual Socialization, Sexual Subjectivity, and Emotional Responses to Sexual Experiences among Adolescent Girls. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 53, 4031–4048. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-024-02990-7